How To Deal With People Who Sabotage Your Efforts
Change scares people.
When you are making life style changes for the better sometimes you might catch yourself looking in the mirror and thinking the craziest things. . .
“Is that really me?”
“Can I keep this new healthy eating and exercise up long term, or will I go back to my old ways?”
“What will I do when my old clothes don’t fit anymore?”
These little tinges of fear are natural, as changing habits always comes with a certain amount of internal resistance. But changing habits often also comes with external resistance – resistance from friends and family who seem to be sabotaging your fat loss efforts.
- Your family knows you are eliminating bread and pasta from your diet, yet they try to coax you into having “just one” slice of pizza.
- Your friends know you are not drinking alcohol and they keep giving you grief over your water with lemon at happy hour.
- Your partner brings ice cream to bed when they know late at night is when you are having the most trouble sticking to your nutrition plan.
But why wouldn’t your friends and family want you to make changes that will give you more energy, boost your self esteem, and reduce your chances of getting a laundry list of health problems including diabetes, heart disease, and many forms of cancer? Because change scares people.
It scares them that your new healthy lifestyle will be a constant reminder of how unhealthy they are.
It scares them that they won’t know how to spend time with you that does not center around over eating and drinking.
It scares them that the methods they previously used to control you will no longer work when you embrace your best self.
The fears of your family and friends related to your new-found appreciation of nutritious food and intense exercise are usually not intentional. Ask them and they’ll tell you they want you to succeed and that they will give you support. But subconsciously, their fears guide their actions in a way that can conflict with your weight loss efforts.
So what do you do? You don’t want to lose your friends and distance yourself from your family as a result of getting lean, strong, and healthy. Try the following tips in an effort to stay on track with your goals and still maintain your relationships.
Set boundaries. I’m talking about real physical boundaries. If everyone else in the house wants to eat junk, designate a shelf in the refrigerator that is only for your food. Ask family to keep all cookies, chips, and other garbage in closed cabinets that are out of your view. Make a rule that no one is to open the basement door when you are down there exercising except in the most extreme of emergency situations. Establishing these kinds of parameters can go a long way in creating room for everyone to go about their chosen paths with minimal friction.
Leave the door open. Do not force your new healthy habits on anyone else. But let them know that they are always welcome to join you. Accept that they may start the journey with you but fizzle out before the goal is reached. Don’t judge their decision to return to their old ways. Stay the course and show them that results are possible through consistent effort and leave the door open for them to rejoin you when they are ready.
Stick to your guns. Once you start giving in to “pizza once each week” or “two beers on Fridays” in an effort to appease others, you start a slippery downward spiral. You’ve shown a chink in your armor, a gap in your discipline, that even the best intentioned friends and family will try to widen. So stick to your guns. Once people see that your actions demonstrate the seriousness of your commitment, they will gain a new level of respect for your efforts and their attempts at distraction will slowly wane.
Your friends and family want you to be healthy – they want you to be your best self. But change raises subconscious fears that can make people’s actions feel like they are trying to thwart your efforts. To maintain your relationships and reach your fat loss goals try setting boundaries, leaving the door open, and sticking to your guns.
Train hard!
- Vic Magary
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Let me add some personal experience. I started the diet on 9/1/10 in an effort to get control of y type 1.5 diabetes, which i was diagnosed with last summer. For the past year, I have woken up with over 200 morning sugar readings. By Labor day 9/5/10, I started having non-diabetic readings…first 140, then radically plunging, e.g., on 9/10 I woke up with a 63 and had to drink some juice to get out of the shakes and sweats. This went on until 9/21, with non-diabetic readings every morning for the first time in over a year. That night I had my first ‘cheat meal’ and the instance of a client: chips and salsa and a margarita. The next morning, I woke up with a 180 blood sugar reading and have been trying to get back on track again. I am a believer!
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I’ve been able to stay on the diet without any problem because I used to eat this way 5 years ago before I became a sedentary workaholic. Back then I had 18% body fat vs 26% now according to my Tanita scale. This time I’m not losing weight nearly as fast as I have in the past. I did longer weight workouts then and 40 minutes or so of jogging or speed walking.
I use a scoop of Whey protein in my smoothie along with frozen berries and water. It’s Muscle Feast isolate, 105 calories. Is that off limits on this diet? Frankly, I forgot that whey is a milk derivative.
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Hey Lara,
Feel free to email me some of your food logs (if you have them) and I can help you directly.
As far as the protein powder, I’d rather you not use it (mostly because of the sugars & artificial sweeteners). How about you try getting rid of it for a week and see if you see any difference in your weight loss…
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Elvira Reply:
October 16th, 2011 at 8:29 am
Vic, Reading this, I forgot to tell you that I am using Whey protein in my smoothie too.
I will try to getting rid of it for a week and see what happen.
Saludos, Elvira.
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thanks for all of your tips. they are very helpful and don’t find much of an issue pulling out an apple while everyone else is tearing up the hot dogs at 2am. these last two nights, however, i’ve been awaken by leg calf spasms. after consulting the issue on google by several sites, it is possible that my diet could be a possible cause. all of the possibilities given, i have narrowed it down to either lack of calcium and/or my feet position while sleeping. they recommend dairy like milk or cheese for calcium, items not recommended for this program. Is there anything recommendation for this problem. I’d rather not have dairy but would prefer another natural source of calcium. please advise.
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Mark Reply:
February 1st, 2011 at 9:22 am
I have heard that this is caused by lack of potassium, eat more bananas…..
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Michael Reply:
March 9th, 2011 at 11:50 am
Vic, I think your basic principles can work for me – I would like to ask that you suggest exercises that can replace the baby burpee and any other procedure that might be beyond my physical ability.
I knew that I had to set my sights low and therefore have started with the two week program.
After seeing your baby burpee on YouTube and trying to replicate it, I found that my disability won’t allow me to do that. I suffered strokes that affected my sense of balance a dozen years ago. As a result, though I can walk relatively slowly and carefully, I cannot run and I cannot jump. Going quickly to a stance that challenges what balance I can muster won’t work
Pushups are not a problem, and I have started with those on the initial two week plan. Going without dairy products is going to be a challenge, because my acid reflux just flared and dairy was a big part of coping with that, but I can manage just about any diet for thirty-one days.
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Denise Reply:
May 14th, 2011 at 7:02 am
I used to be in track. We’d always get these calf spasms as we trained.
It’s far likelier that your spasms are a natural result of the training, not a particular deficiency. They’ll probably go away after awhile.
That said, you probably need to increase your time spent stretching. Additionally, our coaches used to recommend bananas due to the potassium. And… believe it or not… next time you have a major cramp in your calf, try pinching your upper lip. Specifically, your upper lip on the opposite side of the calf that’s spasming. I know it sounds crazy, but it has something to do with the way we’re wired. I was advised to do this and it always worked for me.
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Helen Reply:
August 21st, 2011 at 2:48 am
Various naturopaths have told me that muscle spasm is due to low magnesium, and they recomment a good quality Magnesium powder (better than tablets). I use Metagenics Fibroplex plus when necessary, but you may need to get a scrip from a naturopath to get it.
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Cornelia Madsen Reply:
March 2nd, 2012 at 7:21 pm
Magnesium Oil is what I have been using topically to relax my legs and joints. Google that topic and you will learn a lot about why it works so very well.
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@ Michael – spinach, kale and almonds are 3 of the best non-dairy calcium foods. Make sure you load up on those!
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Floyd Reply:
December 29th, 2011 at 10:09 am
Unsweetened almond milk is advertised as having more calcium than milk. Is almond milk ok with the diet?
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Day 5 today and already feeling great. Started this period while back home for the holidays and had to fight to avoid the treats that abound this time of year. Can’t wait to get home to the Uk and make my spinach soup, which fits the model.
Are chick peas allowed? Can homemade houmous be in the menu mix.
Good tips in the blog. Wife now fully on board.
K
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Well I am at the half way point on the 31 day program. I have lost 24lbs and several inches I have a whole new wardrobe of my old clothes its great, feeling wonderful. I am feeling a little board with my food choices what are some of the fun foods you could recommend to spice things up a little and stay with in the program of course.
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I stalled my weight loss because of giving into the cheat meal……this is very difficult, I am finding that I am constantly having to think about what I am eating. I got caught out yesterday going to several customer sites feeling like I was trapped, there was no where to go for lunch, or at least I dont know of quick good food places. i was very hungry and ended up having a bagel…..
I know I should have taken an apple with me, but didnt figure I was going to be gone that long…..and on the weekend had a burger and fries as a reward after painting my living room.
I have to remember eating bad food is not a reward, tough, but one day at a time…….
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We all have our little setbacks (some self-caused), but as Vic says – Just pick up and keep going. Discipline gets better as you see the changes in your body. Morale picks up as the exercise routine gets better. It’s win-win, as long as you keep your eyes on the road.Look forward – not backward, and visualise your new self. It is so worthwhile working for. As your mind and body adapt to the new lifestyle – it becomes precious – the pain is replaced with pleasure. You feel “in command” for the first time in years. In charge of your Life, your health, your happiness. Doesn’t get much better than that! I’m only in my second week of warm up – but already I’m looking forward to the full 31 Day programme and fulfilling one of this year’s major goals! Stick with it everyone! It’s all good.
Bill Bentley
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Hi there
have been on the program for two weeks have lost 5 kg, yippy.
But more important my blood pressure has gone down and keeps going down each day(no medication for two weeks)in the past I have had a lot of smelly wind that stopped almost the moment I went on the diet, it seems to good to true.
thanks Vic.
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While visiting my daughters, I learned they were all dieting to lose weight, but still eating bread, salad dressings, pastas, rye crackers, diet drinks, etc. I discovered this program on line one evening and suggested my daughters check out the tips. They didn’t–I did. I haven’t measured my inch differences, BUT I’ve lost 30#. I’ve tried for years to lose weight. Now I’m pleased to step on that scale each week and see the difference. Started @ 243#, now 212# I can actually fasten my shoes. I’m looking forward to adding days and months to my experience, and losing that doughboy look.
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Many years past now, when I began a study of Yoga Practice. My instructor had said I should pick a time of day that would be conducive to practice and make it that same time everyday. Begin with one practice and next week when I see you we will review it. Make each session of only 5 minutes duration this first week. Try it for three months before you make your decision. I ended up sticking out the program for some years and received much benefit from the undertaking. From this I learnt that it is possible to be resilient, to make change and to have progress. Maybe I cannot change the world, but that I can surely change myself and to the benefit of both myself and…
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Hi Vic,
I am on Day 14 of your 31 Day program and the program sure kicks butt. I chose to start with the Intermediate – no equipment program and found it to be very challenging in the beginning but have stuck with it. I couldn’t do all of the exercises 100% in the beginning but have become a lot stronger over the past couple of weeks and am able to do them all now. My husband was quite intrigued and has joined in on a few occasions. I am 47 years old and starting to look ripped. I am starting to see definition in my abs for the first time ever! I am 5’4″, 128lbs and have only lost 2 lbs so far. Is this normal for someone my size or will the weight start coming off in the last 2 weeks of the program? I haven’t been following the diet to a “T” but have been pretty good for the most part. I made a life style change over a year regarding my diet and lost 15lbs over the course of a year.
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I love the picture. It made me laugh out loud. Thanks for all the encouraging blog posts and e-mails. They are very helpful.
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All exercises are different. You might like swimming, so swim. If you like hiking then hike. You might like the treadmill, so use the treadmill. Do whatever works for you- that isn’t too much of a undertaking for you to do on a regular basis throughout the week. Don’t decide on a routine that you don’t enjoy – or you won’t choose to do it, and you definitely won’t adhere with it for very long. I equally wouldn’t recommend buying into that whole “no pain, no gain” mantra. Men and women lose weight without injuring themselves all the time
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I’m 15 years old and i’m not happy what i look like. I want to know how to get a slim arms and legs and a flat stomach. I want to lose weight by not stressing myself. I don’t like going to the gym, is their any workouts i could do in my room and how long do i do these, i need help!!
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vicmagary Reply:
July 5th, 2011 at 4:19 pm
Carol, email me directly: help {at} 31dayfatlosscure.com. Just replace the {at} with @.
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Thanks Vic, your suggestions are helping a lot, like this one about sabotage, keep sending the helpful hints there keeping me focused.
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Jster Reply:
August 4th, 2011 at 10:55 pm
I too need the motivation. on third week and still craving sugars like i used to really bad. Just keep em coming. Thanks.
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can i eat beans dry beans please help thanks steve
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vicmagary Reply:
August 18th, 2011 at 5:37 pm
Hi Steve, I recommend treating beans like grain based carbohydrate foods – avoid them if possible.
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Hi Vic, been doing workout for 3 weeks at home lost 14 pounds, going to next level the gym! my local gym as no free standing weights to do dead lifts? seems to be all the latest systems that means you sit or lie down put in a peg & lift the weight you want.
PLEASE PLEASE ADVICE WANT BELLY GONE!
PS BURBESS KILL YOU MAN
Paul
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vicmagary Reply:
September 17th, 2011 at 6:09 am
If you absolutely have to use machines, do your best to stick with compound movements. I’d also mix in body weight training like push ups and squats. And of course burpees.
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I guess I am preatty lucky, my best friend is doing a weight loss program and is a real encouragment to me. Some of my family know what I am doing and my husband and they also are very supportive. My sister even asked me the other day “what are you allowed to eat for breakfast”, she only has 10lbs to loose but she knows I have been on this program and is starting ask questions!
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Hey Vic,
I just completed week one and feel great. I’m not overweight yet I’m nowhere near where I want to be. I can already see a difference, and it’s awesome! While I can easily do this diet for a month, I’m really scared for/concerned about the long term…especially in regards to alcohol and whole grains (I’ve gotta be honest-I love both vices!!). How can I implement the two later on without sabotaging my hard work?
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Elvis says:
HI Vic
I just completed my 31 days lost 14lbs, thank U for that. But your right about cheat days. I had 1 & gained 6lbs, had 2 bottles of red vine & a porketa with gravy & sweet potatos, thank God I didn’t have bread.
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Your encouragement really helps as we talk about our experiences with your plan. Adding flavoring always helps avoid the mundane eating: flavored stevia drops can be added to teas and other items when you want something sweet. Nuts can be sprouted for even greater nutrition and Braggs Liquid Aminos can be sprayed on them for added nutrition and a fun salty taste.
I just completed week 1 on your plan with the happy surprise that it is easy and I lost the recent weight gain in just that 1 week. Now I only have 10 lbs. to go to reach my goal weight!
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Hi Vic
I have known of the benefits of healthy eating for many years, with all the sport I have taken part in. However we slide into bad habits and they are the ‘ones’ to overcome. For the sceptics; a healthy eating plan and regular training will automatically start showing results. I have seen it with medical check ups! A bad period and some of the bad levels go up. Eating and training properly; and levels go down.
You are the motivation to get back into it and the regular blog, emails and tips are great as serving as a reminder to ‘stick’ with it. Seeing some pretty quick results is motivation in itself. Feeling good…..even better!! 5kg’s down in two weeks after a good holiday and I’m back on track. For the older generation, the mindset is ‘the older you get the more difficult is too lose weight’! Maybe; but easier than you think. It’s not just about ‘dieting’ (hate the word) but more about a healthy lifestyle change.
Cheers, Kurt
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